I'm in love

enough

"I could have bought trays to line up everything neatly in rows, but I didn’t want to buy more stuff to hold my stuff. It’s just one drawer and it’s not out in the open."

That is exactly how I feel about keeping our home clean and organized. From Small Notebook for a Simple Home: The Lost Rule of Organizing
This reminded me of what Mary at Owlhaven wrote last week.

"In the middle of that movie, while watching a man offering gracious hospitality in the doorway of his 5 x 6 foot shack, my longing for new dishes and new floors in my comfortable home seemed as stupid and frivolous as socks on a turkey."

Use the link above to read the whole post.
photo: the living room of my childhood dollhouse

sad but true

I have accidently used my husband's toothbrush so often these past few months that he now stores his in the mirrored medicine cabinet so that mine is the only option unless you count our six-year old son's chewed up one. Yuck.

When I can

I am enjoying listening to Pastor John Piper's current sermon series from the book of John. Between missing some of our own pastor's sermons while tending to the girls during church and not having much of my own Bible reading time, I need to hear the Word while I work here at home. And who better than John Piper. Follow the link and just start wherever you want.
The Gospel of John Series

Guess who!

Big Girl K at 23 months

Baby L at three months

Douglas Wilson encouraging parents

A Deeper Level of Worship

Many of you are here as parents of little ones and, in some cases, many little ones. For you, the worship of the Lord is a far more arduous task that it is for the rest of us. All of us are engaged in the work of worshipping the Lord, but you are carrying young ones in your arms as you perform the same labor that we do.

The work includes great things, like keeping everyone in fellowship throughout the whole service, and trivial things, like finding your place in the psalter. The work is daunting, and it is sometimes easy to forget why you are doing it. There are three things for you to keep in mind as you continue

The first is that while you sometimes need to be reminded why you are doing this, God knows exactly why you are doing it. Do not grow weary in doing good. God sees, and your labor in the Lord will bear good fruit. Your labor is before the Lord—He sees, and He rejoices. When you need to be reminded, there is one who can always remind you. You are here with your little ones because God calls you to worship Him together with all the children He has given you.

This means, secondly, that God receives, as true worship, every distracted shush, every spilled cup of wine, every dropped hymnal, and every time you have to take your child out to have a little word with him. You are not taken away from true worship by these things, but farther into true worship than most of are privileged to go. If Christian discipleship consists of "my life for yours," what is worshiping with four to seven little ones?

Third, do not think of this time as the time of distraction, but rather as a time of fruitful planting, and trust God to be kind. He will bestow a time of fruitful harvest. The sun is hot and the soil is hard—but it will all come back to you, thirty, sixty and a hundred fold.

Brandishing plastic sword and dagger, he came running across the grassy courtyard to greet me as I returned home from the grocery store. "I thought you were a 'crimimmal'", he called out caught up in a world of play where Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, knights, robots and Spiderman all happily play together. It's a wonderful time to be his mommy.

for the love of pink and baby girls

pep talk to myself

Do you ever feel embarrassed to have seen yourself and your situation as so unbearable and unrelenting only to find someone who has been given a greater burden yet they carry it with much grace and perseverance?
That happened to me again today.
Feeling sorry for myself and my constant state of tiredness and lack of ability to do all "the other things" and then I find this. Moms who struggle with so much more than me and are still able to love and encourage each other with kind words and thoughts of intercessory prayer.
It's pathetic to see yourself wimping out on life's trials especially when they are NOTHING compared to what others are doing.
Stop whining, pray for strength and get ready to be strong. This trial may be just a warm-up for the real deal.

planning

From Richele at Barefoot Voyage an inspiring list of goals for each subject.

Home School Goals By Subject

Of first importance

Andrea writes in her post Learning at Home about her older son's desire to learn reading and writing before she had even begun any type of formal homeschooling with him. However it was this paragraph that caught my attention and seemed to resonate with my thoughts and concerns for our son.

It's amazing to me because I decided long ago, when he was really little, that my goal with them wouldn't be to teach them how to read at a young age, but to focus on manners and attitudes. Because, I always thought, who cares when you begin reading as long as you get it some time. But manners are something that can easily be over looked in the frenzy of early childhood education.

As I have been diligently praying for our homeschool plans for the year ahead of us, I have been reading and re-reading the book of Colossians, specifically the third chapter. No matter what relational aspect of myself I'm considering(daughter, wife, mother, friend) the words starting in verse twelve sink deep into my heart.

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom He gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father. (NLT)

Of more importance than any academic study is the teaching and training of our children's hearts. Jesus made it clear in His ministry that the heart determines what a person says and does.

A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart. (Luke 6:45 NLT)

I'm seeing that training my children in godly attitudes means continually going after their heart with the message of Christ. And there is no spreadsheet, workbook or lesson plan that will do the job adequately. That's why prayer is my best plan. Be devoted to prayer is what Paul writes later in the letter. Tall order, but anything else falls too short.

holding it together

I wrote this more than two weeks ago but thought I'd go ahead and post it anyway. Baby L would have been less than two weeks old.

I purposefully kept our six year old son with me today even though he had been invited to play with his usual playmates. I needed to see how the day would go with just the children and I alone together all day. My plan was to spend some learning time with my son in the morning while the babies slept. The summer has flown by and we have not sat down together to focus on his reading or writing at all. His reading is progressing great but his letter writing needs some extra practice. We spent some time working on a Bible notebooking page for the story of Joseph which we had completed reading before Baby L was born. We then reviewed the various Psalms that we have been memorizing. So far we have learned Psalm One Hundred, Eight, One and now we are in the middle of the Twenty-third Psalm. Moving onto our Phonics book we reviewed some of the lessons learned back in the spring. He is a bit rusty on some of the rules, like when to use the hard and soft sounds of "c" and "g". They are a bit tricky. The last bit of time was spent arranging some handwriting practice. His letters have gotten sloppy and he is using upper and lowercase letters randomly.
But he loves books and routinely hauls books around the house to read and look at. So despite our hit-and-miss schedule, he seems to have continued to be interested in reading. It was a good day despite the hectic moments. Thankfully Daddy can readily come home from work early on occasion to help.

thinking about

Prayer: why we struggle (and how not to)

Convicted. But am I willing to change?

what is meant to be

I found this post from Apple Pie helpful as a young mom attempting to home school our first child. But really, her thoughts can apply to any one of us as Christians.

In becoming organized, the first thing I must do is the hardest. I must lay it all down. Every scrap of it. Every word on my planning pages. Every day of my year. Everything I want to accomplish, however noble and good. Is it mine, or is it His? If it's only mine, then changes must be made.

I must be still and quiet every morning. I must ask, Lord what would you like to accomplish today? This month? This year? Then I must be still. After a few minutes, ideas will come. Yes, they will. Not because I am a spiritual giant, but because my Heavenly Father loves me. I should write them down so I don't forget. On days when there are no impressions, I know to move forward with what seems best. But on most days, there are ideas that lead me to change course, set aside something I wanted to do, attend to something I hadn't thought of, or teach a subject in a different way.
I should offer myself to Him as His servant in this unique role of homeschooling mother. I am not my own. I need to remember it. He is a God of order, and the first part of order is to order my heart properly, to re-set it, like an inner clock. Every day. There is no substitute for this. I will not outgrow my need for it. Rather, as time passes, I understand more and more that to venture out on my own best guess -- without even stopping to ask the Lord about it -- is a slippery slope.

I was designed for fellowship with Him. Partnership, actually. I should be doing this with Him, rather than alone on my own with my own agenda and impulsive ideas. He is, after all, Emmanuel, God with us. That was his intent from the beginning.

But He will not do for me what only I can do. I must decide to stop and listen. If I do, He will meet me. I will know what I need to do, how I need to change, which adjustments I should make. He will make me sturdy, wise, and patient. He will help me craft, out of our days, a home that is all it was meant to be.

Read the whole post here.

life in the big city

A few weeks ago, I was running some errands which included buying groceries. Our son asked where we were headed next and I replied, "To the grocery store, Food Basics." After a moment, the question came. "Is that one where all the people with brown skin go?"
Laughing out loud, I knew exactly what he meant.

Sunday commentary

On Sunday evening we headed out to church for the first time since Baby L was born. From the back seat where he is flipping through the pages of his Bible, our son asked, "Why didn't Goliath duck when that stone hit him in the eye?"
Before I could think of a response, he continued, "That guy had no sense. I guess he wanted to get hit in the eye and die."
Commentary concluded, the conversation was over before I could figure out what to say.
I mean, really Goliath, you should have ducked. :)

baby doll

Laura Hope
July 31, 2009
6 lbs. 3 oz.
beautiful gift

in the realness

The posting has certainly slipped around here but I find so many things competing for my attention these days. I am one week away from my due date and am in the middle of pre-term labor. It started Monday night and hasn't let up much. We're not headed to the hospital unless the contractions get between 4-5 minutes and so strong I cannot talk through them. When that will actually happen, who knows. In addition to the insistent contractions, I continue to struggle with a sore bottom due to varicose veins gone haywire. That problem started last Tuesday and has been treated but to no avail. I feel old and worn out. Yet I am excited about holding and nursing this new little baby. I worry about unknown issues like possible birthmarks, or problems like blindness or deafness, cleft palates and such. My concentration is starting to slip so reading and working on organizing our homeschool materials is starting to feel like a real effort.
I know this won't last forever but at this moment it feels so discouraging. I've gone back to reading Colossians, one of my favorite books. I'm continually amazed at what Paul prays for the believers.
We ask God to give you complete knowledge of His will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. Col. 1:9, 10 (NLT)
Also finding both inspiration and conviction from Ann:
The Word that Woos
How to Read the Bible: Eat This Book
photo: My Mother's Day flowers from my husband

Not a typical Monday

This happened last month and was posted on my Facebook account but I never got around to posting it here.

It all started out as a quick outing before lunch on Monday to our local fruit and vegetable farm to pick some strawberries with the kids and my mom who was visiting. It quickly turned into a three-ring circus after punching three numbers into our cell phone.

We had no sooner arrived at the strawberry fields armed each with a white picking basket and Baby K settled into her stroller when I realized that she had twisted herself around in her stroller and was half hanging out. I immediately straightened her up and told her to "Sit". However, looking her over, I realized her movements weren't normal. I unharnessed her from the stroller and took her to a shady spot under a tree and sat down with her on the grass. She then proceeded for the next few minutes as we sat there to involuntarily jerk her head and chin over her right shoulder and arch and turn her whole back around to the right. Then she would relax for about 15-20 seconds, take a quick breath and repeat the same movements. Her eyes remained normal and she didn't appear to be in much discomfort even though her body was contorting. My mom and son had headed to the end of the rows which were out by a treeline and were beyond calling distance.

I grabbed my mother's car keys from the stroller and Baby K and I headed to the car which was in view to call Shane at work on the cell phone. As I carried her, she continued to thrash around in my arms, but not crying. I described to Shane what she was doing and we discussed the one other time on a Sunday morning at church that she did this for a few minutes but then proceeded to be fine downing her bottle with no difficulty.
We agreed that I should take her to the ER at the children's hospital here in Ontario and get her checked out. I hung up and placed her in the rear-facing infant seat only to have her completely twist and turn so that she was basically face down in the seat. I readjusted her and she kept twisting and flipping. I realized then that I was not going to be able to restrain her and drive the 40+ minute trip to the ER.

I took her out of the seat and called Shane back. We agreed that I should call 9-1-1 and have her go in by ambulance. I hung up again with Shane and dialed 9-1-1 this time, looking at the phone go into "Emergency Mode". Just as the dispatcher answered and asked, "Fire, Police or Ambulance?", Baby K began to cry in my arms still turning and twisting still uncontrollably. Then came the moment that I had forgotten to think about: giving our location. I gave the dispatcher the name of the farm and then floundered while I tried to remember the main crossroads. This is the beginning of rural Ontario and the roads are numbered by "Line" or "Concession" and make it difficult to remember. Then it hit me, I have their card in my wallet, so I dug quickly, managing to dump part of my wallet in the grass next to the open passenger door. I read off the address to her and waited on the line until she confirmed assistance was on the way. Baby K was still crying off and on and still squirming as I held her sideways trying to put my wallet back together, and redial Shane at work. After telling him that help was on the way and explaining that my mom was still at the far end of the strawberry field completely unaware of what was going on, he and I hung up with the knowledge that he would be at the farm in about 15 minutes, whether or not Baby K and I would still be there was uncertain.

I decided I better walk up to the barn where the farm store was and explain to the owner that I had called 9-1-1 for my daughter and that I just wanted them to know to expect an ambulance showing up shortly. After speaking to one of the ladies, she followed me back to where my mom's car was parked while I sat back down on the grass with Baby K to see how she was faring. The lady asked if there was anything she could do and after hesitating for a moment to think, I said, "Yes, my mom and my son are still picking in the field. I can see them from here but haven't notified them yet. Would you mind flagging them down? My stroller is parked at the end of the row right there as well."
She nodded her head and then said something that was quite laughable later. "What do they look like?". I quickly described my mom as a woman in her sixties with a six-year old boy. I think there may have been one other person in the field at the time, but possibly they might have been the only ones as well. So as mom and I talked about it later, we laughed over the lady's inquiry as the place was very quiet and empty at that time.

My mom and son showed up in a few minutes as the rumble of a fire truck entered the farm's circular driveway. I saw a man waving the truck towards our direction and I also waved one arm from where I was sitting in the grass next to the car. Two firefighters immediately ran to where were and pulled out a little oxygen mask and other medical things. Baby K was now sitting up in the grass looking around very unsure but not crying or turning as much. Her shoulders and head would still turn to the right but she appeared more calm and controlled. A blue blanket was produced for her to sit on and the process of removing her little shorts and oneies shirt while still taking her vitals began. I think by now, the first ambulance had arrived and had produced more paramedics who needed to be caught up on the facts. I answered more questions and so did the initial firefighter paramedics who were now joking about baby clothes and who had kids and who was used to handling snaps and buttons. I stayed right down on the blanket with Baby K, talking to her and rubbing her back and reassuring her that I was right there and everything was okay. For the most part, she handled all the strangers in her face very well and only cried briefly once or twice.

The next thing I remember there was a quick discussion about the helicopter and then I heard the sound of the blades approaching. As I turned, I realized that Shane had arrived and was crouched behind me looking at our daughter. It's blur, but I remember someone saying, "There's going to be a lot of stuff blowing around when the chopper sets down." Someone tried to cover us as pine needles, leaves and dust showered and swirled around us on the grass next to the driver's side of the car. At some point a second ambulance had arrived as well and a police car that I never noticed.

A female paramedic from the helicopter was now kneeling next to me and they were asking us who was going to ride with Baby K to the hospital. Shane and I looked at each other and we both knew that it would have to be me as I would be able to answer the questions and explain the symptoms at the ER. But then I remembered I'm pregnant. So I asked if it was okay for me to fly as I only have six weeks to go. The female paramedic and the others assured me it was fine and that she herself was pregnant. I was helped up off the grass and the paramedic said she would carry our daughter to the chopper. I was handed a large set of military green earphones with a dangling mouthpiece to put on. As I slipped the set on and adjusted them, Shane and I briefly shouted back and forth what the rest of them would do and what to bring for Baby K to the hospital.
I hugged our son goodbye and told him I loved him and that Baby K was going to be okay. He was standing next to the driver's side leaning on the hood area and he seemed fine, just overwhelmed by all the action. I then was taken by the arm by the other helicopter paramedic and told to duck my head down as we ran towards the open helicopter. I was helped in and found a seat and given instructions on how to fit the seat belt harness. Baby K was laying on a stretcher next to my seat and after I was secured I could still reach forward and touch her.

Then the safety instructions began: Your seat belt releases with a right turn of the dial. Here's how this emergency handle works, just turn it like a van door and then slide this. The other door opens like a car door. If necessary, pull this lever and the window comes out. There's also the two doors up by the pilot's seats. By this point, I was now praying with every breath, "Please Lord, don't let the helicopter go down." I also was starting to rethink this whole chopper ride and wonder if I was placing Baby K and I(and the baby) in unnecessary danger all in the name of shaving minutes off the trip. Too late, we were lifting off and I was waving to my mom and son who were now sitting inside the passenger side of mom's car and Shane who was standing outside the driver's side taking a video with the camera. I didn't know if they could see me through the window as it appeared to be tinted. And then we were off.

It took me a couple of minutes to remember to look out the window as I had been focused on Baby K and how she was doing. The paramedics continued to check her and take her blood pressure and she seemed relatively comfortable. So I divided my ride time between leaning forward to comfort her, answer the paramedics' questions, ask a few of my own and sneak some peaks out the windows. It seemed like we were traveling slow and as the vibration of the chopper continued the female paramedic explained that most kids drift off to sleep due to the rhythmic motions. And sure enough, Baby K's eyes began to flutter and close. But only for the last two minutes of the trip as we began our descent and the noise of the engine changed. Very quickly we landed on the helipad which is just outside the main entrance to the ER. I was helped out, Baby K was placed in my arms and I walked across the concrete landing zone and outside the fenced-in area and up to the automatic doors of the ER. We were here and she seemed fine.

Inside, still in just her diaper, her temperature was taken, she was weighed and her blood pressure taken again. And then we told to have a seat in the empty waiting room. Kind of anti-climatic after all that had just transpired. I checked the cell phone that we had decided should come with me. Wrong decision. I had no service in the hospital and my mom's cell phone is long distance for the free parent's phone inside the hospital. So as I sat there wondering how to get a hold of Shane to remind him to get Baby K's car seat from my mom's car, shebegan to nod off in my lap. She stirred every time the PA system made a sound and we sat there for about 10-15 minutes before we were given a small room.
Inside the room, I placed her on the bed, pulled the safety gate up and decided to just crawl up and lay down next to her. A support staff woman came by within a minute and asked if there was anything she could get for me or Baby K.
I said not really, but could she stay with her while I used the bathroom right across the hallway?

Baby K seemed to be just fine with me gone and the staff woman left and brought back some bubbles and a small hand toy. So for the next little while, we sat on the bed and played with the bubbles. Fast forward to a resident doctor showing up at least an hour later to ask questions and discuss the details. Fast forward again to Shane, our son and my mom showing up with a bag of stuff for Baby K. Within minutes of their arrival, a senior staff doctor and the resident doctor came to discuss what potentially had just happened to Baby K. We agreed that it did not fit any of the types of seizures and so an acid reflux syndrome called Sandifer's Syndromewas mentioned as mostly likely what was happening to our daughter. This was briefly discussed about a year ago with her Down Syndrome doctor but just in passing. We are now scheduled for a Monday morning EEG and an appointment with a neurologist immediately following. (which turned out to be normal)Her DS doctor's office has already received the ER report and I briefly discussed the situation with one of the nurses over the phone on Tuesday. We are quite sure that it will not be considered a seizure and instead will probably be looking at an antacid to prevent any future acid attacks.
All in all, Baby K is doing fine, like it never happened. (She takes a small dose of antacid everyday before her last bottle of milk and so far so good.) We are so thankful, especially about the helicopter not crashing part. :)

Baby K at Eighteen Months

He just looks cute!

Popping around the corner and poking his head into Baby K's room as I change her diaper, he asks with exuberance, "Do you want to play a game of Sorry?" I respond, "Sure!". He disappears around the corner and then pops back in an instant, "Can I have a piece of gum?" I recklessly respond, "Sure!" I'm not looking at him but I know he's smiling. Gum makes him happy. So happy, he marvels out loud with some disbelief creeping into his voice, "You're actually a nice person!".
Thank you, son. I'm sure you meant well.


photo: turning six back in June(our third celebration of his birthday with one more to come hence the two small cupcakes)

Current Reads

Around the World in Eighty Days by Jules Verne (recent yardsale find, never read it or saw the movie)
Seven-Day Magic by Edward Eager
Redeeming Science by Vern Poythress (slowly working through it)
The book of James in the Bible (very practical help)

Need

Andrea at The Flourishing Mother writes:
Every day I need to be dependent on Him.
Maybe that means I go up in my room, close the door, and tell my children that "mama need a few minutes." To pray, to read the Word, to connect with Him.
It means instead of worrying about my children, I pray to Him about them.
That I read Psalm 23 and imagine myself walking by still waters in peace, or in the deep valleys, as He holds my hand, of course.
And I take those images with me as I'm doing 80 things at once around dinner time.
Or when my children's needs overtake me and I feel overburdened.
I need to BE with Him to BE a mother.

Sharing some inspiration

Dawn has such interesting ideas and activities for homeschooling her boys. This latest one is no exception.
Spring in the Orchard

I came across this post yesterday and I found myself being able to relate in a small way as my baby tummy is now very visible.
The Mommy Files

I found this blog quite a while ago and have been enjoying the pictures of her son and now new baby boy. We have quite a bit in common which is one reason I like to check in frequently.
Baby Makes

Some of the most lushest outdoor pictures I have ever seen. It looks soooo inviting.
Sunday Walk in Green

How ridiculously amazing is this? What an wonderful way to garden and create a home!
Wee Garden

A great reading list for kids(and grown-ups too!) compiled by Heidi.
The Reading Child